The Rocky Horror er WORD show!
by Alice Rocker
Summary: Yes. I did it. I rewrote Rocky Horror.
1. Act I

**A/N: I know what you're thinking. 'Ally. What did you do now?' Right? Well, I REWROTE ROCKY HORROR! That's what I did! Okay, so Rocky Horror devotees, I wouldn't recomend reading this, as I've never seen the play OR movie. It's only for fun and just to put my characters and my friend and her characters into risque costumes. And with that, I send you off. Adios...mwuhahaha...**

Lips: *appear on the screen*

Everyone: LIIIIIIIIIPS!

Lips: Er…yeah…is this the play I'm supposed to be at? It's a…reenactment of Rocky Horror?

Janet: Well, yeah. It's actually a rewrite, but the STUPID IDIOT AUTHOR probably had a typo.

Me: *voice from nowhere* What? NO! I didn't even order any lips!

Lips: Oh, oh, sorry, wrong place, they said IDAHO.

Everyone: AHA!

Lips: Well, sorry again. Er…bye…*disappears*

The Criminologist: Yush, well, on with the show people I don't have all day.

*music starts playing*

_Michael Rennie was ill  
The Day the Earth Stood Still  
But he told us where we stand  
And Flash Gordon was there  
In silver underwear  
Claude Rains was The Invisible Man  
Then something went wrong  
For Fay Wray and King Kong  
They got caught in a celluloid jam  
Then at a deadly pace  
It Came From Outer Space  
And this is how the message ran..._

_Science fiction __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ double feature  
Doctor X __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ will build a creature  
See androids fighting __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ Brad and Janet  
Anne Francis stars in __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ Forbidden Planet  
Wo oh oh oh oh  
At the late night, double feature, picture show_

_I knew Leo G. Carroll  
Was over a barrel  
When Tarantula took to the hills  
And I really got hot  
When I saw Janette Scott  
Fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills  
Dana Andrews said prunes  
Gave him the runes  
And passing them used lots of skills  
But When Worlds Collide  
Said George Pal to his bride  
I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills  
Like a..._

_Science fiction __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ double feature  
Doctor X __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ will build a creature  
See androids fighting __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ Brad and Janet  
Anne Francis stars in __**(ooh ooh ooh)**__ Forbidden Planet  
Wo oh oh oh oh oh  
At the late night, double feature, picture show  
I wanna go - Oh oh oh oh  
To the late night, double feature, picture show  
By R.K.O. - Wo oh oh oh  
To the late night, double feature, picture show  
In the back row - Oh oh oh oh  
To the late night, double feature, picture show_

*pan on Criminologist*

The Criminologist: So, this is the story of two kids, Brad and Janet, that had one heck of an adventure. I don't think they really knew what was going on for half the time, but that's half the fun. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, it was a cold and rainy November night… Well, there they are now, I feel a song coming on…

*music starts*

_Brad:_  
_Hey Janet._

_Janet:_  
_Yes Brad?_

_Brad:_  
_I've got something to say._

_Janet:_  
_Uh, huh?_

_Brad:_  
_I really loved the..._  
_skillful way_  
_You beat the other girls_  
_To the bride's bouquet._

_Janet:_  
_Oh Brad._

_Brad:_  
_The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)_  
_The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)_  
_So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)_  
_I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet_  
_I love you._

_The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)_  
_There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)_  
_If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)_  
_I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet_  
_I love you._

_Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker._  
_There's three ways that love can grow._  
_That's good, bad, or mediocre._  
_Oh, J-A-N-E-T_

_I love you so._

_Janet:_  
_Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had. (Oh Brad)_  
_Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)_  
_That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad)_  
_I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too._  
_Oh Brad..._

_Brad:_  
_Oh... dammit._

_Janet:_  
_I'm mad..._

_Brad:_  
_Oh, Janet._

_Janet:_  
_For you._

_Brad:_  
_I love you too._

_Brad & Janet:_  
_There's one thing left to_  
_do - ah - oo._

_Brad:_  
_And that's go see the man who began it. (Janet)_  
_When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)_  
_Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)_  
_Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you._  
_Dammit, Janet._

_Janet:_  
_Oh Brad, I'm mad._

_Brad:_  
_Dammit, Janet._

_Brad & Janet:_  
_I ... love ... you._

Criminologist: Except they had a little bit of a problem…Ooh, is that my root beer I ordered? Well, I'll just let them talk for a while…

Brad: Dammit Janet!

Janet: *from inside the truck* What is it now Brad?

Brad: Well, we seem to have a flat.

Janet: What?

Brad: Er, my truck has a flat…

Janet: Well, fix it then.

Brad: Well, I can't…I don't know how…

Janet: *gets out of the car* I told you to take that IT class! Now move. I'll fix it.

Brad: Well…

Janet: What? God, it's wet out here.

Brad: I don't really…actually…have an extra tire or pump…

Janet: …oh, Lord. What do I do? I'm engaged to a complete moron….

Criminologist: So, anyway, back to my narrating duties. So, Brad and Janet over there were actually driving to go see their good friend and old teacher Dr. Everett Scott. When, apparently they got a flat tire. Anyway, let's get back to what was happening…

Janet: Ergh, now what?

Brad: Maybe if we try to find a phone-

Janet: Shut up Brad. Hmm…I know…we could find a phone and call someone to pick us up! But there's nothing out here! *looking away from the ginormous castle behind them*

Brad: Wasn't that…nah…anyway, yeah. I can't see anything at all.

Janet: That's because you wear fake nerd glasses to try and get girls to feel bad for you and it's affected your eyes.

Brad: …you're probably right…

Lewis: *taps Janet's shoulder*

Janet: *grabs his wrist, twists it behind his back, and uses her other arm to get him in a headlock* Who are you and what do you want?

Lewis: Ow, dude, dude! I'm just here to help you!

Janet: *releases him* What?

Lewis: I'm an extra.

Brad: And what do you do?

Lewis: I walk around in the background to make it look like we're not just on some set with special effects and a green screen in the background.

Janet: Way to ruin it.

Lewis: Yeah, well, I'm here to tell you *pulls out a clipboard* to turn around you idiots, we're never going to get anywhere if you keep looking into an already plowed cornfield that all muddy thanks to the rain.

Janet: What did you just say?

Lewis: Hey, those aren't my words; they're the author's words. Bye now! *disappears in a puff of smoke*

Brad: Er…I think we should turn around…

*they both turn around*

Brad: Oh, there's a giant castle behind us.

Janet: Hey there's a light on in the window.

*music starts playing*

_Janet: In the velvet darkness, of the blackest night, burning bright, there's a guiding star,  
No matter what or who you are._

_Brad and Janet: There's a light (Random Transylvanians popping out from behind a bush: Over at the Frankenstein place)_  
_There's a light (Random Transylvanians: Burning in the fireplace)_  
_There's a light, light, in the darkness of everybody's life._

_Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming_  
_Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming, into my life, into my life_

_Brad and Janet: There's a light (Random Transylvanians: Over at the Frankenstein place)  
There's a light (Random Transylvanians: Burning in the fireplace)  
There's a light...a light in the darkness of everybody's life_

Janet: Ooookay, but I have a bad feeling there's gonna be a lot of singing in this…

*they both walk over to the door*

Brad: *rings the doorbell*

*the door swings open to reveal…*

Riff Raff: Oh, hey Jeff. I was wondering when you would get…hey…you're not Jeff!

Janet: No, we're not, actually.

Riff Raff: That boy is later than late and I need my chocolate now!

Brad: *snickering*

Riff Raff: You have a problem, little human?

Brad: Your…hair!

Janet: Or what's left of it…

Riff Raff: Well, at least I don't have tape on my glasses, eh nerd boy? And at least _I _don't practically topple over trying to go down the stairs, eh little miss enhancement?

Janet: *makes annoyed sound* My _eyes _are up _here._

Riff Raff: *cackles* Now what do you want before I slam the door in your faces and _he _*gestures to Brad* needs some more duct tape for his glasses!

Brad: We just wanted to know if you have a phone we could use. We got a flat and are stranded here.

Riff Raff: …God, I hate my job….wait…what _kind _of flat are you talking about?

Magenta: *appears beside Riff Raff* What's going on?

Riff Raff: They say they have flat and want to know if we have a phone they can use.

Magenta: What _kind _of flat?

Riff Raff: That's what I said.

Janet: A flat _tire._ Now do you have phone or not?

Riff Raff: Why don't you come inside? Might as well. We'll see what Dr. F wants to do with you. *opens the door wider and leads them inside farther*

Magenta: So who are you?

Janet: I'm Janet and that's my idiot husband-to-be Brad.

Magenta: Oh, well, I'm Magenta, and that's my brother, Riff Raff. Ain't he cute?

Brad: I thought you said he was your brother.

Magenta: Yeah, so?

Janet: Er…nothing…

Criminologist: Well, by now Brad and Janet were feeling kind of uneasy and nervous, but they were desperate and eager to except any help they could find.

Janet: There's a voice coming from your ceiling.

Riff Raff: Yeah, well, it happens to everyone. *continues leading them to a big ballroom*

*a giant poster hanging above the room says, "Welcome To The Annual Transylvanian Convention!"*

Magenta: We're havin' a big party!

Riff Raff: And aren't you lucky, it's just about to begin!

*music starts playing*

Janet: I told you there was going to be a lot of singing…

*Columbia and the rest of the Transylvanians appear along with Lewis and the Criminologist*

_Riff Raff: It's astounding, time is fleeting  
Madness takes its toll  
But listen closely_

_Magenta: Not for very much longer  
_

_Riff Raff: I've got to keep control_

_I remember doing the Time Warp_  
_Drinking those moments when_  
_The blackness would hit me_

_Riff Raff and Magenta: And the void would be calling_

_Chorus: Let's do the time warp again...  
Let's do the time warp again!_

_Criminologist: It's just a jump to the left_  
_Chorus: And then a step to the right_  
_Criminologist: With your hands on your hips_  
_Chorus: You bring your knees in tight_  
_But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,_  
_Let's do the Time Warp again!_

_Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me_  
_So you can't see me, no not at all_  
_In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention_  
_Well-secluded, I see all_  
_Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip_  
_Magenta: You're there in the time slip_  
_Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same_  
_Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation, like you're under sedation_  
_Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again!_

_Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think_  
_When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink_  
_He shook me up, he took me by surprise_  
_He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes._  
_He stared at me and I felt a change_  
_Time meant nothing, never would again_  
_Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again!_

_Criminologist: __It's just a jump to the left _

_Chorus: __And then a step to the right _

_Criminologist: __With your hands on your hips _

_Chorus: __You bring your knees in tight  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane  
Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again_

Everyone singing/dancing: *randomly fall onto the ground*

Brad: *starts clapping*

Janet: *stops him* Stop it you idiot. Quick, while they're all distracted by getting up, let's run and leave.

Brad: But we have a flat-

Janet: We'll find somebody else. This can't be the only place with a phone and I have a bad feeling about staying much longer…

Brad: Okay…

*they both turn around right into…*

Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Who is this?

Riff Raff: They say they have a flat and they're looking for a phone.

Magenta: And their names are Brad and Janet.

Criminologist: Well, Brad and Janet were quite unhappy now that they knew they had no way of escape. They were quite frightened by the man as he was wearing a leather corset and fishnets, but most of all they were pretty ticked at me for telling them their names.

Brad: There's a voice coming from your ceiling.

Dr. F: It comes and it goes. Now sit down, while I make things *trails a finger down Janet's face* clearer.

*music starts again*

_Frank:  
How d'you do, I  
See you've met my  
Faithful handyman.  
He's just a little brought down  
Because when you knocked  
He thought you were the candy man.  
Don't get strung up by the way I look.  
Don't judge a book by its cover.  
I'm not much of a man by the light of day  
But by night I'm one hell of a lover.  
I'm just a sweet transvestite  
From Transexual, Transylvania.  
Let me show you around  
Maybe play you a sound.  
You look like you're both pretty groovy.  
Or if you want something visual  
That's not too abysmal,  
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie._

Brad:  
I'm glad we caught you at home,  
Could we use your phone?  
We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Janet:  
Right.

Brad:  
We'll just say where we are,  
Then go back to the car.  
We don't want to be any worry.

_Frank:_  
_Well you got caught with a flat, well, how `bout that?_  
_Well, babies, don't you panic._  
_By the light of the night it'll all seem alright._  
_I'll get you a satanic mechanic._  
_I'm just a sweet transvestite_  
_From Transexual, Transylvania._  
_Why don't you stay for the night?_  
_Riff Raff: Night!_  
_Or maybe a bite?_  
_Columbia: Bite!_  
_I could show you my favorite obsession._  
_I've been making a man_  
_With blond hair and a tan_  
_And he's good for relieving my... ...tension_  
_I'm just a sweet transvestite_  
_From Transexual, Transylvania, ha, ha,_  
_HEY, HEY!_

_I'm just a sweet transvestite. (Sweet transvestite)_  
_From Transexual, Transylvania._

_So - come up to the lab,_  
_And see what's on the slab._  
_I see you shiver with antici - (4 seconds) - pation._  
_But maybe the rain_  
_Isn't really to blame._  
_So I'll remove the cause. (chuckles)_  
_But not the symptom._

Frank: *goes up in the elevator leaving a very freaked out Janet and Brad behind with a room full of a Transylvanians*

******************************Intermission************************************


	2. Act II

Magenta: Well, I suppose you should go up there.

Columbia: You should probably strip down to your underwear if you ever want to get warm and dry.

Janet and Brad: WHAT?

Riff Raff: Survival 101.

Janet and Brad: *unhappily begin stripping down to their underwear*

Magenta: *to Columbia* Did you hear what happened to Eddy?

Columbia: Yeah. What a shame. He was cute one.

Magenta: Hmmm…you guys can go up now.

Janet: Where?

Columbia: To the lab of course.

Brad: What if we don't want to?

Riff Raff: Well, too bad. Frank will be very unhappy with you if you don't and I'm not in the mood for that.

Magenta: You can just take the elevator.

Columbia: And don't worry, we'll keep an eye on you.

Riff Raff: *cackles* Indeed.

Criminologist: Well, Brad and Janet went up in the elevator, up to the lab. They were not happy at all about going up or about being stuck here, probably for the night, but there was still always the possibility that they could still get a phone. Buuuut, probably not….

*in the elevator*

Brad: There's a voice coming from the ceiling.

Janet: Yes, Brad, we GET IT ALREADY. There's a voice coming from the ceiling.

*elevator doors open to reveal the lab*

Frank: *walks over and offers them lab coats*

Janet: *putting on the lab coat* What goes on up here? Or, do I want to know?

Frank: I have discovered the secret to life itself!

Brad: Huh?

Frank: Observe. *gestures to Rocky, not yet alive, sprawled out over a lab table, covered in bandages* *pulls a lever* *the ceiling opens and a giant blast of lightning comes in, shocking Rocky*

Janet: Is it just me, or is this really stereotypical?

Rocky: *is shocked to life* *sits up*

Brad: Wow, to be serious, I didn't think that would work.

Frank: HE'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Janet: Now this is_ really_ ironic.

Rocky: Uuuuuungh.

Frank: *walks over and starts removing the bandages*

Janet: *leans over toward Brad* So, so far, we've been assaulted by a doorman and his sister, saw them and some of their friend perform some dance, heard this insane guys sing about himself being a transvestite, and now some guy just came to life.

Brad: And there's a voice coming from their ceiling.

Janet: Would you shut up about the ceiling thing?

The Criminologist: Now, Rocky wasn't exactly sure what the heck was going on. He was a little worried about his situation. I mean, imagine waking up and realizing that you have no idea where you are and a transvestite is unwrapping the bandages covering your body. Creepy.

Brad: There's a voice-

Janet: WOULD YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE VOICE?

Brad: Coming from your ceiling…

*music starts playing*

_Rocky Horror: __The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head  
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread  
Oh, woe is me  
My life is a misery  
Oh, can't you see  
That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer  
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed_

_Chorus :__That ain't no crime _

_Rocky Horror: __And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread _

_Chorus: __That ain't no crime _

_Rocky Horror: __My high is low  
I'm dressed up with no place to go  
And all I know  
Is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer_

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Oh, Rocky! _

_Chorus :__Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime_

_Rocky Horror: __Oh no no no _

_Chorus: __Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime_

_Rocky Horror: __Oh no no no _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Oh, my baby! _

_Chorus: __Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime  
That ain't no crime_

_Rocky Horror: __The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Oh, really! _

_Chorus: __That ain't no crime _

_Rocky Horror: __And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread _

_Chorus: __That ain't no crime _

_Rocky Horror: __Oh, woe is me  
My life is a mystery  
And can't you see  
That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer_

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Come here! _

_Chorus: __Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime_

_Rocky Horror: __Oh no no no _

_Chorus: __Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime_

_Rocky Horror: __Oh no no no _

_Chorus: __Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime  
That ain't no crime_

_Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime_

_Rocky Horror: __Oh no no no _

_Chorus : __Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime_

_Rocky Horror: __Oh no no no _

_Chorus: __Sha la la la  
That ain't no crime  
That ain't no crime  
Sha la la_

Janet: I really dislike all this singing. And I told you at the beginning of all this there was going to be and I was right.

Brad: …

Frank: Ah, yes. Isn't he peeerrrfect? *runs a hand down Rocky's arm*

Rocky: …?

Janet: Well, that's wonderful and all, but we really should be going-

*music starts playing*

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds  
Will get sand in his face  
When kicked to the ground  
And soon in the gym  
With a determined chin  
The sweat from his pores  
As he works for his cause  
Will make him glisten  
And gleam, and with massage  
And just a little bit of steam  
He'll be pink and quite clean  
He'll be a strong man  
Oh, honey!_

_Chorus: __But the wrong man _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __He'll eat nutritious, high protein  
And swallow raw eggs  
Try to build up his shoulders  
His chest, arms, and legs  
Such an effort  
If he only knew of my plan  
In just seven days_

_Chorus :__I can make you a man _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __He'll do press-ups and chin-ups  
Do the snatch, clean, and jerk  
He thinks dynamic tension  
Must be hard work  
Such strenuous living  
I just don't understand  
When in just seven days  
Oh, baby  
I can make you a man_

*music stops abruptly*

Eddy: *crashes through the wall on a motorcycle covered in surgical scars* What's going on here?

Janet: Oh, good. Another lunatic.

Eddy: *points finger at Frank* Hey, I gave up everything for you and this is how you repay me? Oh, I remember those Saturday nights…

*music starts playing*

_Eddie: __Whatever happened to Saturday night?  
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright  
It don't seem the same since cosmic light  
Came into my life, I thought I was divine  
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go  
And listen to the music on the radio  
A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll show  
We climbed in the back seat, really had a good time  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
Really love that Rock and Roll_

_Chorus: __Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll_

_Eddie: __(saxophone solo)_

_My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled  
My hands kinda fumbled with her white plastic belt  
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt  
She'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine  
Get back in front and put some hair oil on  
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song  
With your arms around your girl, you try to sing along  
It felt pretty good...Whoo!  
Really had a good time  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
Really love that Rock and Roll_

_Chorus: __Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll_

_(saxophone solo)_

_Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll  
Hot patootie, bless my soul  
I really love that Rock and Roll_

Janet: Again with the singing? Ergh…

Frank: Er…Eddy? Could you come here for a minute? *leads him into a Coca-Cola machine*

Eddy: *follows him*

*sounds of a chainsaw hacking, and screams*

Rocky: *looks over at Janet and raises a hand* *waves slightly* *becomes interested at the movement and begins flinging his hand around wildly*

Janet: Er, hi…

Frank: *comes out of the tanks and walks back over to Rocky*

*music starts playing again*

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __But a deltoid and a bicep  
A hot groin and a tricep  
Makes me - Ooh! - shake  
Makes me wanna take Charles Atlas by the hand_

_Chorus :__In just seven days _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Oh, baby _

_Chorus: __I can make you a man _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: _

_I don't want no dissension  
Just dynamic tension_

_Janet: __I'm a muscle fan _

_Chorus: __In just seven days  
I can make you a man_

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Dig it if you can _

_Chorus: __In just seven days  
I can make you a man_

Rocky: Mmmmmmhhhr!

Frank: Oh, don't worry about Eddy. I've always known that I would like you _much_ better. *grabs Rocky's arm and walks off with him*

Riff Raff: *appearing* Come along now. *starts leading them somewhere else*

Janet: Where are we going?

Riff Raff: Your rooms for the night.

Brad: Rooms? Night?

Magenta: *sneaking up behind him* _Bite!_

Brad: Yah!

Magenta: *cackles*

The Criminologist: Well, Brad and Janet's problems just seemed to be getting worse and worse. They were now in quite a predicament; being trapped here for what they thought was that night, quite possibly even dangerous…

Brad: There's a voice coming from your ceiling.

Riff Raff: *to Janet* What's wrong with him?

Janet: *shrugs*

Magenta: Yeah, well, it's not hurting anyone.

Criminologist: Yet…mwuhahahaha!

Everyone: O.O

Riff Raff: Well, there we go. Sweet dreams. *slams the door behind them*

*in Janet's room*

'Brad': Janet?

Janet: Yes Brad?

'Brad': Mind if I come in?

Janet: Sure.

'Brad': *comes in* *sits next to her* *starts kissing her*

*approximately 4 minutes later*

Janet: Heeeeey….

'Brad': What?

Janet: You're not Brad!

'Brad': What do you mean? Of course I'm Brad!

Janet: No you're not. Brad could never go 4 minutes without accidently biting me! You're that creepy scientist transvestite guy!

Frank: Fine. You got me. Pleasure is no crime, though.

Janet: *grabs pepper spray* *sprays him in the eyes* GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

Frank: Gah! Pepper spray! *runs away*

*Brad's bedroom*

Brad: *making out with 'Janet'* Heeeey….

'Janet': Yes?

Brad: You haven't insulted me for quite a while now!

'Janet': So?

Brad: I…don't….know…

*start kissing again*

*a while later*

Brad: I figured it out!

'Janet': Did you?

Brad: You're not Janet!

Frank: No.

Brad: …aha! That explains the not insulting thing!

Frank: Really Dr. Obvious?

Riff Raff: *on the intercom* Sorry to interrupt whatever _wasn't_ going on in there, but Rocky escaped his tank.

Frank: WHAT?

Riff Raff: Rocky escaped the tank where you left him. Not sure if that's a good thing. I saw him earlier but he ran off.

Magenta: You _were _poking at him with a lit candelabrum.

Riff Raff: Yes, well, I still don't see why he ran off. Either way, I'll look for him on the monitors.

Magenta: _We _will.

Riff Raff: Yes we _will._

*the intercom goes dead*

Frank: Ergh…*goes off to look for Rocky*

*in the lab*

Janet: Brad? Brad? Oh, where is that idiot?

Rocky: *whimpering in a corner*

Janet: Oh, it's you again. What happened to you?

Rocky: *points to the burn marks on his skin*

Janet: Ah, well, that sucks. Here. *grabs a piece of bandage and wraps it around his burns*

*music starts*

Janet: Oh, great. I feel an overwhelming urge to sing…

_Janet: __I was feeling done in  
Couldn't win  
I'd only ever kissed before_

_Columbia: __You mean she? _

_Magenta :__Uh huh _

_Janet: __I thought there's no use getting  
Into heavy petting  
It only leads to trouble  
And seat wetting  
Now all I want to know  
Is how to go  
I've tasted blood and I want more_

_Magenta and Columbia: __More, more, more! _

_Janet: __I'll put up no resistance  
I want to stay the distance  
I've got an itch to scratch  
I need assistance  
Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me  
I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night_

_Then if anything grows  
While you pose  
I'll oil you up  
And rub you down_

_Magenta and Columbia: __Down, down, down! _

_Janet: __And that's just one small fraction  
Of the main attraction  
You need a friendly hand  
And I need action  
Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me  
I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night_

_Columbia: __Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me _

_Magenta: __I wanna be dirty _

_Columbia: __Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me _

_Magenta :__Creature of the night _

_Janet:__Oh, touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me_

_I wanna be dirty  
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me  
Creature of the night_

_Rocky: __Creature of the night _

_Brad: __Creature of the night? _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Creature of the night _

_Magenta: __Creature of the night _

_Riff Raff :__Creature of the night _

_Columbia: __Creature of the night _

_Rocky: __Creature of the night!_

_Janet: __Creature of the night! _

Rocky: *kisses Janet*

*at the television monitors*

Frank: Aha! There he is…with that treacherous Janet!

Riff Raff: *cackles* She was looking for you. *pokes Brad in the chest*

Magenta: Heh, yep.

Columbia: Then she found Rocky.

Brad: …

*music starts*

_Brad: __Once in a while, she don't want to call you  
Speaking on the telephone  
And once in your life, she won't want to know you  
You look around  
The one you've found, she is gone_

_And that's all the time that it takes  
For a heart to turn to stone  
The sweeter the wine  
The harder to make the break  
You hear something about someone  
You'd thought you'd known_

_So baby don't cry like there's no tomorrow  
After the night there's a brand new day  
And there'll be no pain, and no more sorrow  
So wash your face  
And phone my place, it'll be OK_

_And that's all the time that it takes  
For a heart to beat again  
So give me a sign  
That a lover makes  
You look around  
The one you've found is back again_

Riff Raff: Dr. I think I found something you might find interesting.

Frank: What?

Riff Raff: We seem to have an intruder.

Frank: Who?

Riff Raff: Some old guy in a wheel chair.

Brad: Dr. Scott!

Frank: What?

Brad: Er…whoops…

Criminologist: It seemed as if things were falling apart, at their worst. But it was only going to get worse…

*********INTERMISSION*********


	3. Act III

Criminologist: Well, Dr. Scott, who Brad and Janet were going to visit in the first place, was pushed up to the lab by Columbia who had found him in the entry way.

Frank: Spy! You were trying to investigate my lab, weren't you?

Dr. Scott: I assure you that I was only looking for my nephew, Eddie. Is he around? Oh, Brad. How are you? And Janet too! Why, I haven't seen you two in years!

Janet: Dr. Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Dr. Scott!

Dr. Scott: Frank!

Frank: Rocky!

Rocky: Uuuungh!

Janet: Dr. Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Dr. Scott: Rocky?

Rocky: Uuuungh!

Frank: Brad!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Dr. Scott!

Dr. Scott: Frank!

Frank: Rocky!

Rocky: Uuuungh!

***from the monitor room***

Riff Raff: Magenta!

Magenta: Columbia!

Columbia: Riff Raff!

Riff Raff: Columbia!

Columbia: Magenta!

Magenta: Riff Raff!

***back in the other room***

Janet: Dr. Scott!

Dr. Scott: Brad!

Brad: Janet!

Frank: Rocky!

Rocky: Errrrrrgh!

Sue: _**SHUT UP!**_

Everyone: O.O

Frank: Well, why don't we just go to dinner…heheheh…

*at dinner*

_Dr. Scott: __From the day he was born, he was trouble  
He was the thorn in his mother's side,  
She tried in vain,_

_Criminologist: __But he never caused her nothing but shame._

_Dr. Scott: __He left home the day she died,  
From the day he was gone  
All he wanted  
Was a rockin' roll porn and a motor bike  
Shootin' up junk._

_Criminologist: __He was a low down cheap little punk._

_Dr. Scott: __Taking everyone for a ride._

_Chorus: __When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy,  
You knew he was a no good kid,  
When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife._

_Frank :__What a guy._

_Janet :__Makes you cry._

_Dr. Scott: __And I did._

_Columbia: __Everybody shoved him,  
I very nearly loved him.  
I said hey listen to me,  
Stay sane inside insanity,  
But he shut the door and threw away the key._

_Dr. Scott: __But he must have been drawn into something,  
Making him warn me in a note which read_

_All : __What's it say, What's it say._

_Dr. Scott: __I'm out of my head._

_Criminologist: __Hurry or I may be dead._

_Chorus:__When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy,  
You knew he was a no good kid,  
When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife._

_Frank: __What a guy._

_Janet: __Makes you cry._

_Dr. Scott: __And I did._

Frank: Dinner's served. *opens the tray to reveal…*

Dr. Scott: Eddie!

Brad: Ew…

Janet: *runs into Rocky's arms*

Rocky: …?

Frank: Just what do you think you're doing Janet Weiss?

Janet: What?

Frank: Get away from my creation!

Brad: Hey, I agree with him for once.

Janet: But-!

Frank: *starts chasing Janet through the castle*

*music starts*

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __How could you! _

_Dr. Scott: __This way! This way! _

_Riff Raff:__Shut up! _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __I'll tell you once  
I won't tell you twice  
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss  
Your apple pie don't taste too nice  
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss  
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need  
You're as sensual as a pencil  
Wound up like an 'E' or first string  
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?  
You got a block, well take my advice  
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss  
The Transducer will seduce ya_

_Janet: __My feet! I can't move my feet! _

_Dr. Scott: __My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels! _

_Brad:__It's as if we're glued to the spot! _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools! _

_Janet: __Oh, we're trapped! _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __It's something you'll get used to  
A mental mind-fuck can be nice_

_Dr. Scott: __You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine  
This sonic transducer - it is, I suppose, some kind of  
Audio-vibratory, physiomolecular transport device_

_Brad:__You mean _

_Dr. Scott: __Yes, Brad  
It's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time  
But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it  
A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then  
Projecting it through space, and who knows, perhaps even time itself_

_Janet: __You mean, he's gonna send us to another planet? _

_Dr. Frank-N-Furter: __Planet, schmanet, Janet!  
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss  
You'd better wise up  
Build your thighs up  
You'd better wise up_

Criminologist:And then she cried out

Janet:Stop!

*music stops abruptly*

*all the Transylvanians crash into each other in surprise*

Frank: Where'd they go?

Magenta: I don't know but, Dr. don't you think we should leave now? I mean, they know what we are and they might tell somebody about us?

Criminologist: But Frank had no intention of listening for he already knew what he was going to do and it didn't exactly involve leaving…

Frank: No. I'm not leaving now. I intend to put on a floor show. Now to the lab. I have a feeling we'll find them there…

*in the lab*

Janet: What now?

Brad: I don't know. Even though I am mad at you for reasons I can't remember, I don't want him sending you anywhere!

Janet: Oh, Brad!

Dr. Scott: I think the best thing to do would be-

*the Transylvanians bang in*

Frank: *freezes everyone with his "Medusa Transducer"* Not. So. Fast. Time to put on a floor show for me.

Brad: What makes you think we will?

Frank: Because that's only way I'll let you go.

*Columbia, Rocky, Brad and Janet* *on a stage*

*music starts*

Brad: Why are we in lingerie?

Janet: *shrugs* I've stopped wondering.

_Columbia: __It was great  
When it all began  
I was a regular Franky fan  
But it was over when he had the plan  
To start working on a muscle-man  
Now the only thing that gives me hope  
Is my love of a certain dope  
Rose tints my world keeps me  
Safe from my trouble and pain._

_Rocky: __I'm just seven hours old  
Truly beautiful to behold  
And somebody should be told  
My libido hasn't been controlled  
Now the only thing I've come to trust  
Is an orgasmic rush of lust  
Rose tints my world keeps me  
Safe from my trouble and pain._

_Brad: __It's beyond me  
Help me Mommy  
I'll be good you'll see  
Take this dream away  
What's this, let's see  
I feel sexy  
What's come over me  
Here it comes again._

_Janet: __I feel released  
Bad times deceased  
My confidence has increased  
Reality is here  
The game has been disbanded  
My mind has been expanded  
It's a gas that Frankie's landed  
His lust is so sincere._

Frank: That's right….that's right…give in to it…little earthlings…little Rocky…little Columbia…

*everyone starts making out*

*music starts again*

_Frank: __Whatever happened to Fay Wray  
That delicate satin draped frame  
As it clung to her thigh  
How I started to cry  
For I wanted to be dressed just the same.  
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure  
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh  
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure  
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever -  
Can't you just see it. _

_Don't Dream It - Be It_

_Don't Dream It - Be It_

_Don't Dream It - Be It_

_Dr. Scott: __Hmm...We've got to get out of this trap  
Before this decadence saps our wills  
I've got to be strong and try to hang on  
Or my mind may well snap  
And my life will be lived for the thrills._

_Brad: __It's beyond me  
Help me Mommy._

_Janet: __God bless Lilly St. Cyr._

*music stops*

Frank: *joins them on the stage* Come along, now, just one more number…

*music starts*

_Frank : __I'm a wild and an untamed thing  
I'm a bee with a deadly sting  
Get a hit, and your mind goes ping  
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing  
So let the party and the sounds rock on  
Gonna shake it till the life has gone  
Rose tint my world  
Keep me safe from my trouble and pain_

_Riff Raff:* bangs in* __Frank N Furter  
It's all over  
Your mission is a failure  
Your life style's too extreme  
I'm your new commander  
You now are my prisoner  
We return to Transylvania  
Prepare the Transit Beam._

*music stops abruptly*

*Riff Raff and Magenta bang in carrying ray guns*

Riff Raff: I'm taking the authority. Magenta and I are going back to Transylvania!

Magenta: And there's nothing you can do to stop us!

Frank: But wait! Wait! I don't want to go back! At least listen to my song…

*music starts*

_Frank: __On the day I went away _

_All: __Goodbye_

_Frank: __Was all I had to say_

_All: __Now I_

_Frank: __Want to come again and stay_

_All: __Oh my_

_Frank: __Smile and that will mean I may  
I've seen blue skies  
Through the tears in my eyes  
And I realize I'm Going Home  
I'm Going Home  
Everywhere it's been the same_

_All: __Feeling_

_Frank: __Like I'm outside in the rain_

_All: __Wheeling_

_Frank: __Free to try and find a game_

_All: __Dealing_

_Frank: __Cards for sorrow cards for pain  
I've seen the blue skies  
Through the tears in my eyes  
And I realize - I'm Going Home  
I'm Going Home  
I'm Going Home_

Criminologist: Alas, Riff Raff and Magenta didn't care for his last plea to stay on Earth. They were quite sick of him. Rightfully so, I'd say. Imagine working for _him_ your whole life…anyway…

Riff Raff: Eh….no. Anyways, as I press this button, kiss Earth goodbye! *presses button*

*screams come from all around*

Magenta: That was _not _right button.

Riff Raff: Oops…

*Frank, Rocky, and Columbia are slumped to the ground dead*

Riff Raff: Eh, well. You three. *points to Dr. Scott, Brad, and Janet* Out. Unless you want to come with-

Criminologist: The three were out of the castle faster than a cat could blink.

Riff Raff: Us….Yes, well, Magenta. Prepare for launch.

Magenta: I found the right button! *presses it*

*they both lift away in the castle itself, disappearing faster than the speed of light*

Brad: That was…weird…

Janet: What…happened?

*music starts*

_Brad: __I've done a lot  
God knows I've tried  
To find the truth  
I've even lied  
But all I know  
Is down inside_

_All: __I'm bleeding_

_Janet: __And super heroes  
Come to feast  
To taste the flesh  
Not yet deceased  
And all I know  
Is still the beast_

_All: __Is feeding  
Ahh Ahh etc._

Criminologist:**And crawling on the planet's face  
Some insects called the human race  
Lost in time  
And lost in space**

All: And meaning

Brad, Janet, and Dr. Scott: *choke to death on the dust left by the lifting of ship*

*slowly fade out*

*lips appear on the screen*

*music starts*

_Magenta: __Science Fiction - Double Feature  
Frank has built and lost his creature  
Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet  
The servants gone to a distant planet  
Oh - at The Late Night Double Feature  
Picture Show - I want to go - Ohh -  
To The Late Night Double Feature Picture Show._

*credits begin to roll*

Pedra as Dr. Frank-N-Furter

Scarlet as Janet Weiss

Louis as Brad Majors

Terry as Riff Raff

Anna as Magenta

Scarlett as Columbia

Todd as Dr. Everett Scott

Sam as Rocky Horror

Jen (suckishLEMONADE) as The Criminologist

Jake as Eddie

Lewis as the extra

Rewrite by ME! (Ally)

**A/N: I congragulate and pity you at the same time if you know any of these characters.  
The only thing that I didn't change in this was the words to the songs that all belong to Richard O'Brien. I have never seen Rocky Horror, neither the play nor the movie, so those die-hard Rocky Horror people, don't come yelling at me. The only thing I had was two Wikipedia articles to work off of.  
This rewrite is a little bit of a mix of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and just the orginal Rocky Horror Show, along with some of my own ideas. The characters were changed to relate a little bit more with the actors/characters that played them.  
The reason I rewrote this is because I wanted to tone it down to the PG-13 for those who wanted to see it but couldn't because of the rating. I hope I did okay.  
I hope you enjoyed the show. Mwuhahahaha…**

***the screen goes totally black for about 5 seconds* **

***picture of everyone in their costumes appears like the orginal Rocky Horror poster***

***the screen goes black***


End file.
